Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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