hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just pee around me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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