My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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