My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You need Xanax blowdarts
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
