If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Randomize
