: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
