and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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