This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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