Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
MIDGETS
????
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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