You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
