bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
