Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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