were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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