using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
