New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
