Screwed.edu
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
