I'm really into asian looking animals
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We were destined to go to rehab together
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
