I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
