there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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