I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize