I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
His nipple licking is glorious
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
