You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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