I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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