ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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