to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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