Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize