Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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