And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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