some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
