You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
