oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
