i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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