Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
