I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
