Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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