Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
