i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
