HIV tests are more positive than that guy
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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