She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
