Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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