In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
