she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
