I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
