I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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