i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
