There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Two words: nipple clamps
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