Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
