What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
