i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
