I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
