I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
