we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
