She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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