dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Randomize
