i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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