what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
