i just had sex bonerless
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
