Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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