So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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