I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
