How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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