Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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