Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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