Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
