dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
