Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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