Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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