Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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