I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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