He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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