i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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