the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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